Honoring Mother’s Day Without My Mother: A Personal Journey

Mother’s Day can be a challenging time for those of us who have lost our mothers. Every year, the arrival of May brings a wave of emotions, amplified by the relentless reminders and promotions urging us to celebrate with our moms — the moms we no longer have.

In my case, the pain of losing my mother is still fresh. In 2021, she passed away following a surgery she never wanted. Despite our efforts to convince her, she preferred tending to our kitchen garden over undergoing medical procedures. The surgery initially seemed successful, but complications arose swiftly. She spent weeks on ventilator support, and due to COVID-19 restrictions, my siblings and I could only see her during designated visiting hours.

I vividly recall those moments by her bedside, surrounded by beeping machines. Despite her struggle, she held onto our hands tightly, willing herself to stay with us a little longer. She fought, but her body eventually succumbed, leaving us with memories and unanswered questions.

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It’s been over three years since I lost her, and the void she left remains. Grief, however, doesn’t follow a timeline. It ebbs and flows, sometimes gently and at other times overwhelmingly. I’ve learned to accept this new reality — a life without my mother — but the guilt of decisions made and unmade lingers.

The bond between a mother and child is profound, spanning a lifetime. Losing that connection is like losing an anchor that kept us grounded. The journey of grief is personal and complex, marked by moments of acceptance and waves of emotion.

On this Mother’s Day, I hope for a shift in how society approaches this day for those of us who are motherless. A simple acknowledgment of our existence amidst the celebrations would mean a lot. Perhaps, a considerate opt-out option from Mother’s Day campaigns can also provide some solace.

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For all of us navigating Mother’s Day without our moms, know that you’re not alone. Our grief is valid, and our journey through it is unique. Let’s honor our mothers’ memories in our own quiet ways, finding solace in cherished memories and the enduring love they left behind.